Valentine's Day: Long Distance Relationships Tips & Tricks

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Would you just look at that, it's almost mid February, and 14th February is just two days away. We all know what that means, right? Here comes another Valentine's day, just like every single year before now. Because this day can be very commercialised and that has led some people to hate it, the fantastic Živa from Nothin' Fancy Really organised this little thing called The Valentine Project. And even though I never had that special person in my life on Valentine's day (ah yes, I know, very very depressing) I decided that I'll join in on the fun and put something together to spread the love. Which actually seems like a good idea, since at least if I can't spread some love to a particular special someone, I should at least spread love to you lovely bunch, right?

I decided to try and do something a little bit different from what you usually see floating around on Valentine's day and I managed to get an exclusive interview about long distance relationships and how to make them work (first ever interview, and I reckon many have yet to come for this lovely girl) with a self publishing author of two novels and also a great friend of mine — Henry Noir.  Although her latest novel in itself has elements of a distance relationship, Henry Noir has personal experiences on the matter as she herself is in such a relationship and has been for quite some time now.

We organised a coffee meeting at Barabuk Coffee Shop and Bookstore (which you can read more about here) and Henry Noir came in looking just like you would expect a young author to look with her beautiful grey coat, slightly curly hair and of course a black blazer made an appearance when she got more comfortable in her seat. We spent some time chatting away over our cups of coffee until it was finally time for me to pull out my notebook and ask away. And now let's finally see what we talked about and you can read some important information regarding long distance relationships and some golden tips and tricks on how to make them work.

LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS 101 / AN INTERVIEW WITH HENRY NOIR

1. How and when did you and your girlfriend meet?
We actually ‘met’ on tumblr, about … nearly three years ago, actually. We started following each other, it was really nothing special, we were both just one of the many followers, random strangers on the internet to each other. We talked occasionally through our posts or ask boxes.  

2. Who initiated the conversation?
Hmmm … I actually think it was me. Probably me, yeah. (laughs)

3. Looking back on it now, did you think you would still be together after all this time?
Well, I’ve never really been in this for a short run, you know, it kind of felt from the beginning that if we were going to enter this, it’s going to prove a bit more difficult than other kinds of relationships, so it was really more a question of ‘do you think we can make this work and make it worth it?’ So yeah, I believed that we would.

4. Did it prove to be as difficult as you thought it would be?
Just as difficult, if not even more, really. (laughs)

5. What was your opinion on long distance relationships before you met your girlfriend?
I didn’t believe in them. (laughs) I felt like I would go crazy without being able to have the person physically present next to me, like it would be less real, so I didn’t really understand how people could make those kinds of things work.

6. What was it about her that made you reconsider that?
(laughs) You know, it just kind of snuck up on me. You’re talking to this person, enjoying their company over Skype, texts, and then you realise this feels a lot different than talking to your other friends or acquaintances from the internet. I think the feeling happens when you least expect it, and that’s how it was here, I saw this is definitely something more, and it would be ridiculous to not give such a unique thing a try.

7. Would you say it gets harder with time, or do you think it’s easier now?
In a way, it felt things got harder when we started it, you know, every day or week would bring a new obstacle that you’d have to reconsider or find your way around. After a few months though I feel like we’ve reached a point at which we figured things out and settled in quite comfortably. Things are definitely easier now than they were at the beginning.

8. Like every relationship, you two probably stumble upon arguments. Are there any differences in solving them?
I feel that here, like in every relationship, honesty is the most important policy, even more so because you’re not face to face with that person at times of the arguments or troubles. In solving them, you just have to give your absolute best and honest and know you’re working towards a common goal, and believe that your partner is trying to do the same.

9. How often do you two talk, and how do you manage time zones?
We keep in contact throughout the day, but the time zones are … horrible things. (laughs) There are six hours between us, which means that by the time she wakes up, I’m usually already working through my day, tired and moody and insufferable. (laughs) 
To give you an idea of my day: I’m usually woken up by a goodnight text from her at around 7 or 8am for me. The majority of my day is thus spent alone, while she’s sleeping, and we talk whenever she wakes up - usually around 3 or 4pm our time. Then she goes about her day, we text each other, but time for ourselves is after a few hours, in my evenings. I’ll usually push all my work to day time so I can keep my evenings/nights free for that - I’ve become strangely productive in these months. (laughs) When she’s off for her dinner, our day together is usually through, and the circle is complete.

10. I think some people wonder if all that trouble is worth it - what would you say to them?
I think with the right person, they would definitely be proven wrong. (laughs)

11. You probably learned a few tips and tricks along the way. Would you share them?
Stay honest, swallow some pride, and don’t let the haters and sceptics to bring you down. Find places with wifi. (laughs)

12. Have you stumbled upon haters and how did you deal with them?

Oh, god. I have been incredibly lucky as far as friends in my life are concerned, they’ve all been nothing but kind and supporting, and keep asking me a lot of questions about it. They sit patiently through my rants. (laughs) But haters, yeah, there are always going to be people that just won’t see things your way or think it means less than other relationships. A while ago someone told me it ‘doesn’t count, you haven’t even seen her yet.’ To that, I always say that yes, I have seen her - I see her every day, I see what’s really important. Her soul, her amazing mind. I just haven’t touched her yet, and we all know love doesn’t depend on that. For all the rest, the technology in this day and age is a huge, huge help.


13. In your latest novel we get to see a long distance relationship unfold. Was that difficult for you to write?
Perhaps not difficult, but it was definitely hard walking the line between happy times, and when things can go wrong. 

14. Did you include some personal stuff in there?
Well, as a writer, I can hardly avoid doing that, I think the entire novel is on some levels deeply personal. I think maintaining a healthy difference between knowing what’s real and what’s fiction and knowing the things described are actually only theory is what helps gain some perspective.

15. The characters in the book had to overcome a few obstacles. Did you have many as well?
Obstacles happen every day, unfortunately, but we’re in this together and we’re making it work no matter what. We both know more will come, but we live one day at a time. 

16. How did you overcome them?
As I said, through remaining honest and maintaining healthy communication, even if it feels difficult and you’d rather avoid it at the time. It saves a lot of trouble and helps keep a ‘clean slate’ for the future, and that’s the important bit. You have to push through some thorns to get to the fields of roses, if I can say so.

17. No one talks about the positive sides of long distance relationships. What would you say is the best thing about them?
(laughs) That’s actually a good question - and you’re right, very few people think about the bright sides of it. I think it’s good that we still get to have a lot of time for ourselves independently of each other, so we can each focus on our own life. You hear a lot of times that people in a relationship kind of forget about their friends or responsibilities. 

18. What advice would you give someone who just started their relationship?
The one I’ve been repeating throughout this interview - honesty, trust, and definitely not giving up at first sights of trouble.

19. Was there a time when you wanted to give up?
The whole situation does certainly make you want and give things up, but she is a one of a kind person to me, and I never ever want to give up on that. When you feel like you’ve found that one person that can make you happy and you can maintain a healthy relationship with, you stick with them through thick and through thin.

20. Lastly, could you tell us about your newest novel?
(laughs) I’m very grateful that you’re giving me a plug here. (laughs) 

Well, I feel like it’s mostly a novel about pushing through obstacles either life or your mind put in front of you, kind of growing up and believing in your goals. Don’t let your fears hold you back. A lot of times things seem dark and circumstances are not making it any easier, but with help of your friends they can turn around quicker than you think. Believe in yourself and try to grow constantly. You’re better at it than you think you are.

I don't know about you but after this interview I felt absolutely amazing and incredibly more optimistic about love in general, which is something that made a person who isn't in a relationship — like me — feel way more positive about the upcoming 14th February. Henry Noir makes very good points about common misconceptions when it comes to long distance relationships, she shares quite a bit of her personal life with us and I honestly hope that her honest words will find a way into your hearts and fill you up with more joy on this day dedicated entirely to LOVE. 

For anyone who might find themselves interested in reading Henry Noir's latest novel titled Other Lives (which I will be also commenting on in an upcoming post, so keep your eyes open) leave a comment below saying I WANT TO READ OTHER LIVES so that I can discuss it with her and see if we can make it happen somehow, okay? 

I hope you will all have a fabulous and amazing Valentine's day but if you are like me and will probably spend it eating Ben & Jerry's while watching your favourite show that's A+ as well if you ask me. 

What are your plans for Valentine's day? What are your opinions on long distance relationships and has this interview changed them? 

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